Letting Go

Why is it so hard? Life, I mean. And not just mine. Life, in general, is hard.

This year has been a great year of personal growth for me. I attribute a lot of that growth to finding a church again. I have been missing the point of my faith for pretty much my entire life so far and I never even knew it! It has been incredible to make it a genuine part of my life as opposed to an afterthought.

This lifestyle change has unearthed many deeply rooted issues that I thought I had let go. Apparently I am pretty good at moving on, but HORRIBLE at letting go. To be honest, I don't think I truly realized the distinction between the two until a couple of days ago... they are very, very different.

But I feel as though maybe I am getting to that place where I am ready to surrender. I still can't tell if I'm truly coming to a place where I can forgive the people who have hurt me or if I am just tired of pretending that they didn't. Either way, I am tired of trying to please everyone in every situation and my hands are full from dragging around all of these old issues and I'm not getting anywhere. There is still that little part of me that doesn't want to let my offenders "off the hook", so to speak. After all, they were wrong! My overwhelming need to be right and recognized for being right is hindering my ability to be my best. I can honestly say that that is really what I want when it's all been said and done, to have done my personal best in every aspect of my life. (So, hopefully I still have some time because I cannot say that now!)

So, here I am, ready to move on and actually let go this time. Maybe I'll actually make some progress without all of the extra baggage. And hopefully I will have learned to not pick up more just because my hands are free.