Hello again, thoughts!

Well, it has been entirely too long since I've written here. (I'm sure both of you who read my blog noticed.) lol I must confess that I greatly overestimated my ability to function on little to no sleep and am happily letting go of my overnight job. I'm quite surprised at how much more time-consuming that shift was compared to a day job. At least with a day shift I can still have my evenings with my family. The night shift made me feel like an outsider. I was missing out on everything. I even missed the little things that I tend to complain about, like getting the kids' homework done and running everyone around to activities while still trying to have dinner ready in the middle of it all. I am fortunate enough to have an amazing husband who was able to effectively handle all of these details while I was contributing to the household finances, but no amount of money is worth missing out on time with my kids that I cannot get back. I have been blessed with a new opportunity that will translate to a similar income with half of the hours. (During the day no less!) I was thankful to have a job in the first place, but I am even more thankful to have a job that will provide a decent balance with the family life. We are going into birthday season around here which reminds me that they definitely grow up too fast and, as hard as it may be sometimes, I don't want to miss it.

Reclamation!

Today was my last day on the day shift which means that, as of Monday, I can reclaim my life. This whole 8-5 thing is ridiculous!!! lol

What I am really excited for is the opportunity to earn an income without the majority of it going to child care costs. Having my days with the little ones is really important to me. They are growing up so fast! Bebecito is almost 2! Yea freedom!!! I can almost taste it.

Hopefully this little job of mine will get the income flowing to the point of us being able to launch Respect (my) this year as planned. Things are still going well in that department but am so ready to get it off the ground! I found out about a local blank t-shirt wholesaler that I cannot wait to go check out. I am proud of us for taking the slow and steady approach with this business instead of just maxing out all of the credit cards to make it happen. I know that when the time is right, it will take off because we have done all of this legwork on the front side, but I am also looking forward to the day when we are able to focus on our own business instead of working for someone else.

So, I guess I don't have much else to write about today. I am just encouraged that things are seeming to fall into place and I'm not forcing them to. :) My focus for the year is to be content. (Not complacent, though.) I have so many things that I am thankful for in my life that there is no reason for me to constantly be fighting for things that I think I want. This is probably how I should have always been viewing things but, better late than never I suppose. Although we don't have the money to go launch Respect (my) on the level we want it to be tomorrow, it is too important to me to risk losing it by starting out upside down. So, I am content with waiting until we can afford it without being stressed out about it. It actually feels somewhat comforting to be content in that. So this is what it feels like to be grown up.

Blessed

I am truly blessed. I know this. I have always known this. But it can be so difficult to remember sometimes.

Yesterday, I experienced one of the scariest "mom moments" that I've had. We were all in the car on our way to the store when Baby Royce started breathing funny. At first, I thought that maybe he was starting to doze off, but when I turned to look at him I realized that something was terribly wrong. His eyes were rolling back into his head and his whole body started trembling. We immediately went to the ER. He had been fine just a few minutes before and I couldn't believe what was happening. He was completely lethargic and just out of it. I have never felt so helpless!

As it turns out, he had an ear infection which caused his fever to spike rapidly, triggering a febrile seizure. The doctors were not terribly concerned and after getting some meds, he was back to his mischievous little self.

On the way home, we realized how truly blessed we are that the most extreme health issue that we have experienced with our children, was "no big deal" to the doctors. While it still scared the crap out of me, it could have been worse on so many levels. I was reminded that no matter how hard I try or no matter how much I would love to be, I am not in control. I'm just here to react to the situations that God puts in my life, good or bad. Baby was still not completely himself today, but he was definitely feeling better. #2 has ended up with a bad stomach bug today, so now there's that to deal with. Hopefully, by the end of the week, we will be back to our normal crazy selves. And hopefully, we will remember in the middle of all of the craziness that we are truly blessed.

I'm sad today. I had a good day overall. It was just one of those days where I took a minute to reflect in order to try and move forward. That was a bad idea. For some reason, today when I looked back I could only see failures. I know that "you need to fail in order to appreciate true success" but I'm ready for the success part now. Ready to quit making stupid choices that end up permanently replacing my dreams. I'm starting to get really angry at the fact that we even have dreams. I would like to truly know who reaches them. I feel like life has defeated me and I am sad.

Ready to Begin Again

Hello, my invisible audience! I have been avoiding the world for the last couple of weeks due to this wretched sinus infection that took over my life. I am finally feeling better this week so I thought I should take a minute to write for the sake of staying consistent.

It is the last week of the year and I can't remember the last time I was so anxiously awaiting the arrival of the next one. This year has been brutal. Not just for me, personally, but for so many of my loved ones as well. I can reflect with an attitude of thankfulness, though, because it definitely could have been worse.

I just love the start of a new year with a clean slate and new goals to reach. LeRoy and I write our goals together every New Year's Eve. (Cheesy, I know.) I love being able to look at our list from last year and seeing that even though we had a somewhat difficult year, we still managed to reach a lot of our goals. That is rewarding. Maybe we won't set the bar so high this year though. There were still a lot of things on that list that I would have loved to have crossed off of it! Maybe we'll just carry them over and keep plugging away!

I would love for our little business to gather steam and take off this year. There are still so many little details to get figured out before that can happen, but I will be happy with progress of any kind in that area. In the "mean"time, I am going back to work full time to try to get us ahead in some of the financial aspects of our life. It's going to be really hard for me to have to leave the little ones again, but I know that it is what I need to do for our family for now. Besides, we all know that it is in everyone's best interest for me to get out of the house. :)

I am ready for whatever this year has in store for us. I guess I've never really thought of challenge as a bad thing. A challenging situation is an opportunity to prove to myself that I am capable of more than I ever thought possible. So, while this year has been challenging, it has made us stronger in our faith, as a couple and as a family. I am glad for everything that has happened to us, but I'm also glad that we don't have to live it again! So bring it on, 2010!

The Meantime

"In the meantime...". So many of my plans are postponed because of this horrible phrase. My most recent goals are constantly being rewritten due to changing circumstances and I keep adjusting to find ways to fill the meantime. I had never really thought about the word "meantime" before this week, but I realized that its use is actually very descriptive and accurate for what it entails. I realized that "the meantime" is "mean" time. Simply stated, yet profound. (In my mind anyway.) Waiting sucks! It is torture to have to take things slowly! When I have goals and aspirations, I want to just let loose and chase after them with every ounce of strength that I have. Life, however, makes me wait. I am forced to take teeny tiny steps instead of the giant leaps that I would prefer. I am forced to be patient and content "in the meantime" while on the inside I am dying for things to move at my pace! I know that waiting is a part of life that will always be present and my plans will never play out the way that I originally plan them. I just wish the meantime wasn't so mean!

What's My Motivation?

Or should I say "where"? This has been a long week and I am struggling to get anything done. It started on Sunday with the baby having double ear infections. The poor little guy doesn't get fevers when he gets ear infections so I never know when he has them. He just wasn't acting like himself so we decided to have him checked out. He got some meds and was back to being sweet by Monday afternoon. But Monday afternoon, #2 had a fever close to 103 so it was another trip to Urgent Care. This time the diagnosis was strep throat. Not good in a house with four kids and extras for daycare. He stayed home Tuesday as did one of our daycare kiddos (who ended up being diagnosed with strep also.) Wednesday afternoon the baby woke up from his nap screaming, which is not normal for him at all. It took me a while to calm him down but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I put him down to change him and saw HUGE, bright red hives all over his legs and bottom. Apparently he has a penicillin allergy. This accounted for one more trip to the doctor.

In the midst of all of this, I have had an extra little one in the daycare this week which shakes things up a bit. She's a demanding one and that makes it hard on the others because she takes so much of my time. When I have had any down time at all, I don't want to do anything! I don't want to do the dishes or laundry or cook or ANYTHING!! Honestly, I feel like the life has been sucked out of me this week. I don't want to complain, but I am in need of some serious down time. Or at least some socialization. I have such a hard time motivating myself to get things done when I feel like this. It's easy to just get sucked into the computer where I don't have to look at any of it. At least I feel like I can pop on the computer for a few minutes and have some contact with other adult life. All kids all the time is challenging!