Revelation and Redemption

I always feel like I'm in the middle of something. That's really why I started this blog in the first place. My intent was to use this as a place to focus my thoughts when my head was spinning. You can tell by the short amount of time it takes to scroll through my entire blog that I haven't followed through completely with my intention. I can't help but look at my life to see that same pattern repeated. I am such an ambitious person that when I get an idea, I feel that I have to make it happen. The problem is that I am a person overflowing with ideas. I know that I can't possibly pursue all of them, but I have a hard time letting the really good ones go. So I usually end up surrounded by several half-finished projects, feeling like a failure.

One of the things I am in the middle of right now is a challenge to read through the entire Bible this year. Last year was a great year of spiritual growth for me and I'm ready to go deeper. I've always considered myself to be a Christian but I had no idea how lacking I was in my own faith and beliefs. How could I say that I'm a Christian and not have read the Bible? I mean really read it... the whole thing. This is what my faith is entirely based upon and I have spent my life taking someone else's word for it?! It's easier; it's more convenient. That's what I think we're all used to. But there is a freedom that comes with giving God His rightful place at the center of your life that I never knew I could feel. I know it's still only January, but I have been so encouraged by my reading already that my entire perspective has changed. I have been removing myself from my situations and giving God the credit He deserves. (Which is ALL OF IT!) I am able to see the things that I thought were failures as necessary steps to my redemption.

Today my reading was in Exodus and I just have to share that I am so encouraged by Moses' insecurity. Here God chose this man to do amazing things, yet every time God told him His plans, Moses had some reason why he couldn't/shouldn't be the one to do them! God had to continually reassure him and remind him of who He is. God always did what He said He was going to do, and Moses questioned Him every step of the way. But God's plan still prevailed!

My entire life, I thought the only thing that I was good at was music. For years, I have felt as though I have missed every opportunity and blown all of my chances when it came to that dream. Every time an opportunity for something big came up, I had some reason not to try or a reason why I wasn't good enough or and example of someone better than me or why it was impossible. I finally reached the point where I gave it up. I grieved the death of that dream like the death of a loved one. I honestly mourned it. But throughout this process of growth, I am able to see where God has been guiding me and working in my life. Even through my failures. I have realized that my musical ability was an enormous part of me, but it does not define me. My efforts to pursue that passion were just that... my efforts. Who am I to tell God what I am going to do with the gifts He gave me?! His plans are perfect and His ways are not my ways. My life is now and has always been as it should be. My husband, my kids, my job, my passions are all His to use as a means to bring Him glory. If God wants or needs to use my musical talents to advance His purpose, He will make it so in His time. If I never sing another note I have not failed, I have surrendered. I have surrendered to the One who is in control of all of the things I try to control. And I cannot even begin to describe how freeing it is to lay down that burden.