I mentioned in my last post that I am reading through the entire Bible this year. This stemmed from an invitation by my church for the entire congregation, as a whole, to take this step in our faith to make it our own. There is an awesome website, youversion.com , that has completely revolutionized this process for me. It is a free site (and, yes, there's a free app for it as well) and has many different versions of the Bible to choose from and tracks your progress for you too. There are also several different reading plans to choose from so you can pace yourself accordingly. My church, Christ's Church of the Valley, has designed a program that gives you five weekly readings that, when followed, will take you throughout the entire Bible in one year. (If you want that specific plan, click here.) I'm really not trying to sound like an infomercial, but this is changing the way that I am personally experiencing God in my life and I want other people to have that same awakening of passion and excitement!
As I was reading today I looked back through some of my notes so far and I found this one I wrote a few weeks ago about forgiveness and I thought I'd just pass it along for those of you who don't journey over to youversion. :) Enjoy!
Forgiveness
I have been completely captivated by the story of Joseph. Sure, I've heard it several times and even read it myself before, but this time the message of forgiveness jumped out at me. In Genesis 45, when Joseph reveals his true identity to his brothers, there is not hint of malice or a thought of revenge. He immediately forgives them and credits all of his past trials (the wrong that they caused him) as God's working to save them all "... in an amazing act of deliverance." (Gen 45:7, MSG)
I can honestly say that I don't think I would be so gracious. Imagine the struggles he must have gone through. The mental anguish of being betrayed by his own brothers; the "why me's" and "what ifs". One would think that, at the mere sight of the people who were seemingly the cause of all of your life's troubles, the anger and frustration would boil over. But Joseph can see the bigger picture. His faith is bigger than his past suffering to the extent that he can immediately embrace his brothers and deliver them from theirs. What a perspective!
Right now I'm playing through my own scenarios in my head that maybe would have turned out much differently had I just had this perspective instead of trying to be "right". I'm realizing that the more I remove myself as the cause of my circumstances, the more clearly I can see God in my life. It all really goes back to humility. Who do I think I am to take credit for what God was already working to accomplish?! Who am I, to question Him in the middle of a challenging time in my life that may ultimately lead to "an amazing act of deliverance"?!
This passage has so encouraged me and given depth to my shallow point of view! I am amazed at how much closer God has brought me to Him in these few short weeks. I am so excited for the rest of this year!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Revelation and Redemption
I always feel like I'm in the middle of something. That's really why I started this blog in the first place. My intent was to use this as a place to focus my thoughts when my head was spinning. You can tell by the short amount of time it takes to scroll through my entire blog that I haven't followed through completely with my intention. I can't help but look at my life to see that same pattern repeated. I am such an ambitious person that when I get an idea, I feel that I have to make it happen. The problem is that I am a person overflowing with ideas. I know that I can't possibly pursue all of them, but I have a hard time letting the really good ones go. So I usually end up surrounded by several half-finished projects, feeling like a failure.
One of the things I am in the middle of right now is a challenge to read through the entire Bible this year. Last year was a great year of spiritual growth for me and I'm ready to go deeper. I've always considered myself to be a Christian but I had no idea how lacking I was in my own faith and beliefs. How could I say that I'm a Christian and not have read the Bible? I mean really read it... the whole thing. This is what my faith is entirely based upon and I have spent my life taking someone else's word for it?! It's easier; it's more convenient. That's what I think we're all used to. But there is a freedom that comes with giving God His rightful place at the center of your life that I never knew I could feel. I know it's still only January, but I have been so encouraged by my reading already that my entire perspective has changed. I have been removing myself from my situations and giving God the credit He deserves. (Which is ALL OF IT!) I am able to see the things that I thought were failures as necessary steps to my redemption.
Today my reading was in Exodus and I just have to share that I am so encouraged by Moses' insecurity. Here God chose this man to do amazing things, yet every time God told him His plans, Moses had some reason why he couldn't/shouldn't be the one to do them! God had to continually reassure him and remind him of who He is. God always did what He said He was going to do, and Moses questioned Him every step of the way. But God's plan still prevailed!
My entire life, I thought the only thing that I was good at was music. For years, I have felt as though I have missed every opportunity and blown all of my chances when it came to that dream. Every time an opportunity for something big came up, I had some reason not to try or a reason why I wasn't good enough or and example of someone better than me or why it was impossible. I finally reached the point where I gave it up. I grieved the death of that dream like the death of a loved one. I honestly mourned it. But throughout this process of growth, I am able to see where God has been guiding me and working in my life. Even through my failures. I have realized that my musical ability was an enormous part of me, but it does not define me. My efforts to pursue that passion were just that... my efforts. Who am I to tell God what I am going to do with the gifts He gave me?! His plans are perfect and His ways are not my ways. My life is now and has always been as it should be. My husband, my kids, my job, my passions are all His to use as a means to bring Him glory. If God wants or needs to use my musical talents to advance His purpose, He will make it so in His time. If I never sing another note I have not failed, I have surrendered. I have surrendered to the One who is in control of all of the things I try to control. And I cannot even begin to describe how freeing it is to lay down that burden.
One of the things I am in the middle of right now is a challenge to read through the entire Bible this year. Last year was a great year of spiritual growth for me and I'm ready to go deeper. I've always considered myself to be a Christian but I had no idea how lacking I was in my own faith and beliefs. How could I say that I'm a Christian and not have read the Bible? I mean really read it... the whole thing. This is what my faith is entirely based upon and I have spent my life taking someone else's word for it?! It's easier; it's more convenient. That's what I think we're all used to. But there is a freedom that comes with giving God His rightful place at the center of your life that I never knew I could feel. I know it's still only January, but I have been so encouraged by my reading already that my entire perspective has changed. I have been removing myself from my situations and giving God the credit He deserves. (Which is ALL OF IT!) I am able to see the things that I thought were failures as necessary steps to my redemption.
Today my reading was in Exodus and I just have to share that I am so encouraged by Moses' insecurity. Here God chose this man to do amazing things, yet every time God told him His plans, Moses had some reason why he couldn't/shouldn't be the one to do them! God had to continually reassure him and remind him of who He is. God always did what He said He was going to do, and Moses questioned Him every step of the way. But God's plan still prevailed!
My entire life, I thought the only thing that I was good at was music. For years, I have felt as though I have missed every opportunity and blown all of my chances when it came to that dream. Every time an opportunity for something big came up, I had some reason not to try or a reason why I wasn't good enough or and example of someone better than me or why it was impossible. I finally reached the point where I gave it up. I grieved the death of that dream like the death of a loved one. I honestly mourned it. But throughout this process of growth, I am able to see where God has been guiding me and working in my life. Even through my failures. I have realized that my musical ability was an enormous part of me, but it does not define me. My efforts to pursue that passion were just that... my efforts. Who am I to tell God what I am going to do with the gifts He gave me?! His plans are perfect and His ways are not my ways. My life is now and has always been as it should be. My husband, my kids, my job, my passions are all His to use as a means to bring Him glory. If God wants or needs to use my musical talents to advance His purpose, He will make it so in His time. If I never sing another note I have not failed, I have surrendered. I have surrendered to the One who is in control of all of the things I try to control. And I cannot even begin to describe how freeing it is to lay down that burden.
Monday, November 29, 2010
A Daily Dose of Truth
I am my own worst enemy. Aren't we all? I don't know when I became so self-deprecating and the fact that I can't remember leads me to believe that I have always been this way to some extent.
I believe that this is my biggest character flaw and it is one that I am going to change. I refuse to listen to myself anymore! I have decided to come up with pre-meditated responses to the lies I tell myself every day just to keep myself in check. I think the best way to do this is to list the things that I know to be true. That way I can focus on knowing those things all the way down to the core of my being whether or not I may feel them at any particular moment. My goal is to know my own truths to the point that I dismiss any thoughts that are contrary to them.
This list may not be all-inclusive at first so I will give myself the liberty to adjust it as needed, but for now all I need is a starting point to change.
1. I am forgiven.
2. I am loved by God.
3. Everything in my life is a gift from Him and not a result of any of my own efforts.
4. My husband is an amazing partner.
5. My children are blessings.
It's kind of a simple list but I think it's the best place to start. It was surprisingly harder to write than I thought it would be.
I believe that this is my biggest character flaw and it is one that I am going to change. I refuse to listen to myself anymore! I have decided to come up with pre-meditated responses to the lies I tell myself every day just to keep myself in check. I think the best way to do this is to list the things that I know to be true. That way I can focus on knowing those things all the way down to the core of my being whether or not I may feel them at any particular moment. My goal is to know my own truths to the point that I dismiss any thoughts that are contrary to them.
This list may not be all-inclusive at first so I will give myself the liberty to adjust it as needed, but for now all I need is a starting point to change.
1. I am forgiven.
2. I am loved by God.
3. Everything in my life is a gift from Him and not a result of any of my own efforts.
4. My husband is an amazing partner.
5. My children are blessings.
It's kind of a simple list but I think it's the best place to start. It was surprisingly harder to write than I thought it would be.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Letting Go
Why is it so hard? Life, I mean. And not just mine. Life, in general, is hard.
This year has been a great year of personal growth for me. I attribute a lot of that growth to finding a church again. I have been missing the point of my faith for pretty much my entire life so far and I never even knew it! It has been incredible to make it a genuine part of my life as opposed to an afterthought.
This lifestyle change has unearthed many deeply rooted issues that I thought I had let go. Apparently I am pretty good at moving on, but HORRIBLE at letting go. To be honest, I don't think I truly realized the distinction between the two until a couple of days ago... they are very, very different.
But I feel as though maybe I am getting to that place where I am ready to surrender. I still can't tell if I'm truly coming to a place where I can forgive the people who have hurt me or if I am just tired of pretending that they didn't. Either way, I am tired of trying to please everyone in every situation and my hands are full from dragging around all of these old issues and I'm not getting anywhere. There is still that little part of me that doesn't want to let my offenders "off the hook", so to speak. After all, they were wrong! My overwhelming need to be right and recognized for being right is hindering my ability to be my best. I can honestly say that that is really what I want when it's all been said and done, to have done my personal best in every aspect of my life. (So, hopefully I still have some time because I cannot say that now!)
So, here I am, ready to move on and actually let go this time. Maybe I'll actually make some progress without all of the extra baggage. And hopefully I will have learned to not pick up more just because my hands are free.
This year has been a great year of personal growth for me. I attribute a lot of that growth to finding a church again. I have been missing the point of my faith for pretty much my entire life so far and I never even knew it! It has been incredible to make it a genuine part of my life as opposed to an afterthought.
This lifestyle change has unearthed many deeply rooted issues that I thought I had let go. Apparently I am pretty good at moving on, but HORRIBLE at letting go. To be honest, I don't think I truly realized the distinction between the two until a couple of days ago... they are very, very different.
But I feel as though maybe I am getting to that place where I am ready to surrender. I still can't tell if I'm truly coming to a place where I can forgive the people who have hurt me or if I am just tired of pretending that they didn't. Either way, I am tired of trying to please everyone in every situation and my hands are full from dragging around all of these old issues and I'm not getting anywhere. There is still that little part of me that doesn't want to let my offenders "off the hook", so to speak. After all, they were wrong! My overwhelming need to be right and recognized for being right is hindering my ability to be my best. I can honestly say that that is really what I want when it's all been said and done, to have done my personal best in every aspect of my life. (So, hopefully I still have some time because I cannot say that now!)
So, here I am, ready to move on and actually let go this time. Maybe I'll actually make some progress without all of the extra baggage. And hopefully I will have learned to not pick up more just because my hands are free.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Revelations of a Two Year Old Boy
A list of things Royce has learned since turning two. (And we're only halfway through this.) :)
1. Toilets = Water slides for my toys.
2. I can keep the entire family at bay with the garden hose.
3. A tiny rock will easily shatter my barrier to the backyard.
4. Who needs a coloring book in a house full of blank walls?
5. I can control my sister by simply grabbing a handful of her curls.
6. If I scream as loud as I can the older kids do whatever I want.
7. My bathroom stool can be used to reach other things too. (i.e. the cupcakes on the counter.)
8. The lock to the refrigerator cannot support my body weight.
9. Dressers are not to be confused with ladders.
10. It's a good thing I'm so stinkin' cute or I would probably get in a lot of trouble.
1. Toilets = Water slides for my toys.
2. I can keep the entire family at bay with the garden hose.
3. A tiny rock will easily shatter my barrier to the backyard.
4. Who needs a coloring book in a house full of blank walls?
5. I can control my sister by simply grabbing a handful of her curls.
6. If I scream as loud as I can the older kids do whatever I want.
7. My bathroom stool can be used to reach other things too. (i.e. the cupcakes on the counter.)
8. The lock to the refrigerator cannot support my body weight.
9. Dressers are not to be confused with ladders.
10. It's a good thing I'm so stinkin' cute or I would probably get in a lot of trouble.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Update
Here's an update on my unplugged status, in case you were curious. I have significantly cut back on my computer time and facebook interactions and have left the TV off for the majority of my days. I don't really watch much TV anyway, but I usually had it on for background noise. Instead of all of these over-indulged technological outlets, I have returned to filling my life with music. I cannot even begin to express how much better I feel about my life! A friend of mine recently turned me back on to Christian music. I haven't listened to it for a very long time. I just can't believe the difference it makes in my attitude and outlook on life. Lately I feel like a Von Trapp child. I want to run through the house singing at the top of my lungs. (And I do, of course.)
I have put much more of an effort into keeping up with the housework too. (Gross, I know.) But I hardly even mind when I'm singing the whole time. Yesterday I managed to do ALL of the laundry in our house. ( Which, apparently, has never been done before because I ran out of hangers when I was putting things away!) Then, I scrubbed the baseboards, washed the blinds, and polished all of the furniture including the kitchen cabinets. I even climbed up on top of my counters and washed the tops of the cabinets. Let's just say that I should maybe visit that area more frequently. That was nasty! And even after all of that, I had time to learn a new song on the piano. That is my release. I think I forgot how much so. I never actually felt like much of a pianist. I always learn enough to be able to accompany myself on a song I want to sing, but I don't REALLY play. This new song was a challenge for me. Partially because I haven't played in so long and partially because it is technically difficult for me. But even though it's hard, I've pushed through and pretty much have it figured out now. It feels so good to have accomplished that! I can't wait to share it! I will play it for you if you ever stop by. :)
Everyone has their stress-reliever and music is definitely mine. It's kind of sad that it took a facebook boycott to remind myself of that but hopefully now I am establishing a new routine for myself that includes daily "music therapy" sessions. I'm glad that I've had a good re-evaluation of my priorities so I can implement them correctly from now on.....God, Family, Music...I think that's a good start to my list.
I have put much more of an effort into keeping up with the housework too. (Gross, I know.) But I hardly even mind when I'm singing the whole time. Yesterday I managed to do ALL of the laundry in our house. ( Which, apparently, has never been done before because I ran out of hangers when I was putting things away!) Then, I scrubbed the baseboards, washed the blinds, and polished all of the furniture including the kitchen cabinets. I even climbed up on top of my counters and washed the tops of the cabinets. Let's just say that I should maybe visit that area more frequently. That was nasty! And even after all of that, I had time to learn a new song on the piano. That is my release. I think I forgot how much so. I never actually felt like much of a pianist. I always learn enough to be able to accompany myself on a song I want to sing, but I don't REALLY play. This new song was a challenge for me. Partially because I haven't played in so long and partially because it is technically difficult for me. But even though it's hard, I've pushed through and pretty much have it figured out now. It feels so good to have accomplished that! I can't wait to share it! I will play it for you if you ever stop by. :)
Everyone has their stress-reliever and music is definitely mine. It's kind of sad that it took a facebook boycott to remind myself of that but hopefully now I am establishing a new routine for myself that includes daily "music therapy" sessions. I'm glad that I've had a good re-evaluation of my priorities so I can implement them correctly from now on.....God, Family, Music...I think that's a good start to my list.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Unplugging
I realized recently that I am grossly over-informed. By everyone. I am in the middle of one of my Facebook boycotts right now and the longer that I stay away, the less and less I miss it.
I noticed, almost as soon as I signed up for my account, the downside to such a social conglomerate. I want to do a psychological study that analyzes what I refer to as, "the stages of facebook use". (Similar to the seven stages of grief.) I really haven't dwelled on the idea long enough to actually outline what the stages would be, but it seems to me that most of my "friends" seem to experience similar social networking emotions.
It's exciting at first to reconnect with people whom you haven't seen in a long time, but it's not exciting to be up to date with every mundane detail of a person's life. And it is so easy to get caught up in the perpetual posting of information. Who doesn't feel good about themselves when a bunch of people comment on their witty little status updates? But then there are the hot spots that make the whole social networking thing a little tricky. I would never intentionally disrespect anyone, but passionate beliefs do that, regardless of intent. I'll admit, I don't mind stirring the pot every now and then. I like a good discussion from different perspectives. I'm usually not so set in my ways that I can't appreciate and listen to the other point of view. I don't know if I always come across that way or not, but I really do try to listen to all sides.
The worst part for me though is the margin of assumption. It is impossible to accurately represent a person's entire life through status updates and page interactions, however, the people who constantly read them mistakenly believe that they have the whole story. Enter judgement. It inevitably turns into high school drama with one misunderstood statement. "Did you see what she wrote?" "I can't believe they like that!" And so goes the gossip chain. It's sad really, that I hurried so much to get out of that mess when I was actually in high school only to find myself falling into that unproductive pattern as an adult. I've been unintentionally sucked into my past by letting it into my computer!
So, I am pushing my reset button and taking a much needed break from the rest of the social networking world. (Except for my poor neglected blog.) I don't need to know what the color of my eyes says about me or how many of my "friends" are addicted to their virtual farms. I have greatly reduced my interactions this week and have been so much more productive in the rest of my life. (Which has enough drama of its own.) My little boycott has also led to the neglect of my TV as well. I have been much better about opting for my IPOD as background noise instead of a mindless sitcom that I've seen a hundred times. It has also helped me to take the time to enjoy the gorgeous AZ weather. I actually spent a ton of time in the yard the last couple of days planting flowers. (Much to the dismay of plant life everywhere.) They already look wilt-y. I suck at this. But, oh well! There is color in my backyard and on my skin and the interactions I've had with people in the last two days has exponentially topped any of the virtual interactions that I can think of.
I'm not sure if I'm going to cancel my account completely just yet, but this separation is a good thing for now. I've decided that money may, in fact, be the root of all evil, but Facebook is a close second.
I noticed, almost as soon as I signed up for my account, the downside to such a social conglomerate. I want to do a psychological study that analyzes what I refer to as, "the stages of facebook use". (Similar to the seven stages of grief.) I really haven't dwelled on the idea long enough to actually outline what the stages would be, but it seems to me that most of my "friends" seem to experience similar social networking emotions.
It's exciting at first to reconnect with people whom you haven't seen in a long time, but it's not exciting to be up to date with every mundane detail of a person's life. And it is so easy to get caught up in the perpetual posting of information. Who doesn't feel good about themselves when a bunch of people comment on their witty little status updates? But then there are the hot spots that make the whole social networking thing a little tricky. I would never intentionally disrespect anyone, but passionate beliefs do that, regardless of intent. I'll admit, I don't mind stirring the pot every now and then. I like a good discussion from different perspectives. I'm usually not so set in my ways that I can't appreciate and listen to the other point of view. I don't know if I always come across that way or not, but I really do try to listen to all sides.
The worst part for me though is the margin of assumption. It is impossible to accurately represent a person's entire life through status updates and page interactions, however, the people who constantly read them mistakenly believe that they have the whole story. Enter judgement. It inevitably turns into high school drama with one misunderstood statement. "Did you see what she wrote?" "I can't believe they like that!" And so goes the gossip chain. It's sad really, that I hurried so much to get out of that mess when I was actually in high school only to find myself falling into that unproductive pattern as an adult. I've been unintentionally sucked into my past by letting it into my computer!
So, I am pushing my reset button and taking a much needed break from the rest of the social networking world. (Except for my poor neglected blog.) I don't need to know what the color of my eyes says about me or how many of my "friends" are addicted to their virtual farms. I have greatly reduced my interactions this week and have been so much more productive in the rest of my life. (Which has enough drama of its own.) My little boycott has also led to the neglect of my TV as well. I have been much better about opting for my IPOD as background noise instead of a mindless sitcom that I've seen a hundred times. It has also helped me to take the time to enjoy the gorgeous AZ weather. I actually spent a ton of time in the yard the last couple of days planting flowers. (Much to the dismay of plant life everywhere.) They already look wilt-y. I suck at this. But, oh well! There is color in my backyard and on my skin and the interactions I've had with people in the last two days has exponentially topped any of the virtual interactions that I can think of.
I'm not sure if I'm going to cancel my account completely just yet, but this separation is a good thing for now. I've decided that money may, in fact, be the root of all evil, but Facebook is a close second.
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